My Update for 2022: New Year, New Leaf

We turn a new leaf, a new page, in our book called life as 2022 quietly arrives. I say quietly because literally, the bangs in the neighborhood were almost nil. There was only a couple of quick fireworks. Not complaining, though. I like the lights but not the noise.

Truly, 2022 is a spinoff of the bittersweet goings-on in 2021. We're still in the middle of an ever-evolving pandemic. Although there is a hint of normalcy, little by little. But without a doubt, we can still feel the fragility of the situation. 

On a spiritual level, 2021 has proven God's might once again. He can do anything. I just had to wait and see. The hard part, especially if waiting took so long. Patience is not one of my virtues growing old. But I did it with His help. 

I have started reading my favorite book in the Bible, Ecclesiastes. The man of great wisdom, King Solomon, wrote it. As I began reading the first chapter, his words still permeate, even though I already know what he is saying. I love how he stitches the words and the expression of his soul. Especially when you read about "the vanity of vanities." What he wrote all points to the glory of God.

Professionally, the last quarter ushers in new beginnings for me and my husband. He is starting with a new group, hailed as the best employer in the country. The company offered an unexpected package to his amazement and beyond what he asked for. As for me, I write for a foreign company, with a very convenient set-up for me. I am also set to start at another leading media group. I am excited about the latter, mainly because, as a storyteller, it is going to be a very new thing for me. I am also nervous at the same time as I think about that first report. Stick around. One day, you will hear or see my stand-upper. 

All these new things have come as breakthroughs. If you only knew how I prayed and waited. The same goes for my husband. All in all, there is no secret formula. It's just faith+patience+love. And all these things will be added unto you.

Christmas in a Pandemic

It's everybody's Christmas in a pandemic. But that should not stop us from celebrating Jesus.

It may be simple, but it's OK. You may be in a big life mess and feel that Christmas is not the right time to rejoice. 

Let's not forget one thing. It has never been about us. Although we indeed want to give gifts in this season of love and giving. The act is just a manifestation of the meaning of the occasion. 

It's always about the first coming of Christ. The ultimate act of love that the Father did. The ultimate example of giving came on that first Christmas day.

I want to reshare what I posted on my Facebook right after Christmas.

The Cabahuggables' reflection during our traditional Christmas Eve family devotion:

What if Jesus did not come as a baby but as an adult performing the miracles in His ministry? Would it still be called 'Christmas?'

Christmas is a season that our non-Christian friends also observe. Because they say that they like the "vibe" it creates, especially in this pandemic.

Christmas is the only time of the year that reflects an atmosphere of forgiveness, love, peace, joy, harmony, restoration, and all the many good things. As we get older, we know why. Those are the very same reason why God sent Jesus, and what Jesus embodies.

The commercialism of Christmas is good if it's a way to propagate the idea to non-Christians. But let us not get TOO focused on that. The centerpiece is the One born to save everyone.

PS: I just learned that Jesus was about two years old when the wise men discovered him. Contrary to the nativity scene commonly depicted.

Here's a video of how we spent some days during the holidays leading up to Christmas.

Why Social Media Birthdays are Overrated

Thanks to our Aussie friend for this great-tasting red wine

Because of Facebook birthdays reminders, it has become easy for many of us to remember birthdays and greet one another. If you recently celebrated your birthday (like me) and received many greetings, then great!

But what if you didn't put your birthday on Facebook (also me)? Here is when you know who truly remembers and cares to greet you by any means. I admit I don't remember all my friends' birthdays. But I know almost all the birthdays of my close friends. 

Yesterday, on my birthday, I saw only a handful of greeters. Some I saw when I first glanced on my phone. Others, about a few days before. I appreciate them deeply, especially those who truly know the day a birthday falls even without a Facebook reminder. A friend even said he put it on his phone as a reminder. Now that is effort! Another girlfriend did IG and FB shoutouts to my surprise. I was shy because of the attention it garnered. Mwehehe... This is not about keeping count. But this is about the reality that people forget or do not care that much; and that you must come to terms with it, overcome, and move forward still being friends with them.

I honestly don't know why I always have this thought every time our birthdays come. "Our" means my and my husband's. It's probably because we only keep to ourselves! Haha! And I, not my husband, become a bit reflective when some of my expectations fail. Maybe this is what getting older means. You become more sentimental and see who are still there over the years or who are now there. I felt this mostly these past two weeks as I was asking for testimonials from some people for a birthday tribute for a loved one. I am glad because a lot of them turned up to give their short but sweet effort. Some had valid and realistic reasons for not being able to produce one. But some plainly said they cannot or was not able to do it. This is REALITY. 

As a birthday reflection, with or without a Facebook reminder or birthday greetings from the world, what matters is that your immediate circle and family remember you. The most special and most important fact that you should appreciate is the ever-present love from God. It is the kind that never forgets, does not need a Facebook reminder, and is unconditional. 

Forgive me if I failed or will fail to greet you on your birthday. As I have forgiven you for mine.

I received so many blessings lately, a couple of those I had asked for years before my 2021 birthday. We also had an awesome out-of-town celebration. It will be in my next blog.

It's just so fantastic to be alive at 45! (There, I said my age! Haha!)

How to Caffeinate your Husband

Watch this video about the first time I used a coffee machine. I came up with a cup of cappuccino for Cappuccino Day (November 8). Finish it to see my blooper in the ending.

Confession: I am not a coffee drinker. But because my husband has a special bond with coffee, whether it’s ice-cold or hot, I decided to learn how to make good cups of it, especially now that he works at home and coffee is his only perk during a day’s work.

For his birthday this year, I gave him a beginner’s coffee maker. Beginner, because in my case, it is a coffee newbie’s first “toy.” He loved the fact that I finally let go of our French press and replaced it with this more sophisticated one, although brandless. I was excited to unbox it. It came in weeks before his birthday, but we decided we should use it right away for practice. Haha!

Not only that, but I also enrolled in a basic coffee barista course. I made a video of it. Watch it here. Here are some of the photos:

Vaxxed! Why I Got the Jabs

 

July 6 was my first and the 27th was my last shot of the vaccine against COVID-19.

The world is polarized between vaccine believers and anti-vaxxers. There are lots of cringe-worthy arguments hanging around in a Mr. Bean fashion. Sorry to be blunt about it, but yes, I'll be straightforward about this. 

Fear of death. That is the most important reason why many people refused to get vaccinated, whether they admit it or not while displaying a straight-face to be courageous about it. While it's true that people who get the jabs are also afraid to die of COVID-19, not everyone has the same reason. I'll just present my arguments. 

I believe that getting the vaccine is being socially responsible. It's not just about one's life. It's about everybody's life. We're in a pandemic. Meaning, we are all living in a bubble of exponentially expanding infection that could start if one is not immune or at least has no significant percentage of immunity. My actions would impact a lot of lives, especially those around me. 

It's a scientific fact that those who are not immune are vulnerable not just to the infection, but also to be the vessels of mutation. That is the very reason why there are already different strains spreading. The space is so wide for these viruses to metamorphose into more invincible and more spreadable forms. If this alone could clear the foggy heads of the anti-vaccine folks, then this seemingly unending circulation of SARS-COV 2 could come to an end or at least weaken.

I have no right to force my beliefs. I also do not hate those who are not keen on getting the jabs. I'm just this desperate for this dragging season to end that I'd like to be heard and hopefully convince the anti-vaxxers to be mindful of others and be less selfish.

The argument that's been circulating in Christian communities that the vaccine is the "mark of the beast" is just too superstitious. I am stunned in disbelief. It's unbiblical. It is a very lame excuse to hide the fear of death if someone says that God is our protector so a vaccine is not necessary. If God can protect a Christian, then why fear getting the vaccine? I get the flu vaccine each year. I got vaccinated with boosters years ago. Does it mean I doubt God’s sovereign protection over me that I get medical intervention? Of course not! It just means that we are given the wisdom, science, technology, doctors, etc. that we could use for our good to take care of our health and bodies.

It’s true that if you trust God with your life, vaccine or no vaccine, you should not be afraid. But between the two options, getting the shots is the more socially responsible and biblical way of showing how you love your neighbor as yourself (which is the second most important commandment). Could you face the fact that a family member contracted the virus because you're a spreader? Take the jabs for yourself and those around you.

For more about why the vaccine is not the "mark of the beast," read this article.

Yes, a vaccinated person can still get COVID-19. But all studies have shown that the protection the vaccine provides is significant to avoid getting hospitalized, being in the ICU, or getting truly severe symptoms.

Also yes, that a vaccinated person, if infected, is still contagious. But all credible findings reveal that the vaccine serves its purpose in terms of lessening the infectivity. Moreover, it could only infect others if that vaccinated person is not carefully sanitizing or not wearing masks.

I don’t know how else to present the benefits of getting the vaccine at this crucial time in the world’s history. All I know is that my life is not in my hands. God can take me anytime. But I don’t want to be the person responsible for spreading something that could harm other people’s lives.

Why I Don't Believe in "Happy Wife, Happy Life"

"...the cliche 'happy wife, happy life' does not apply to us.,, it is more of 'happy couple, for a joy that's double' for us. It works. Twenty years and counting." 

Simple. At home only. Food-filled. Thankful. My husband and I celebrated our 20th wedding anniversary this way. We were planning things before the pandemic, but I guess you know what is happening around.

One of the plans was to go to Tagaytay Royale and have a simple renewal of vows before our closest family and friends. My husband said that if we cannot pull it through, we can do it on the silver anniversary instead. I think he's right because it will require a lot of coordination here and there, and we're not in the Philippines to do that. Besides, I need to practice dancing Dynamite as my special number for him. That's heavy work! Hahaha! 

Another option was to celebrate it somewhere, with just us. Some destinations in Switzerland, Malaysia, South Korea, the U.S., Australia, and Japan came to mind. If I were to choose, I'd go for this one. I've been dying to go places again and blog about them. Whereas for my husband, I believe he needs a breather from all the pressures of work for the past couple of years.

But reality check, the plan did not pan out because of the pandemic. Our hands are tied. There's no room to do something extraordinary. We're stuck with the everyday routine for the past year and a half. And it seems there is very little progress. 

I'm not saying we're in dire straits. It's just that, it's our second time to celebrate our anniversary with the SARS-COV2 virus still around. How selfish of me to think of this when many of our health care workers are burdened each day. That is, to say the least. I know even my own words won't suffice to describe what they are going through right now. 

Nevertheless, it dawned on me that what is important is the gift of health and still being together to celebrate our 20th, albeit simply. I'm still grateful. A crab and seafood feast did wonders. My husband is a no-qualms man. Anything goes. He knows how complicated things are these days. At the back of my head, I'm thinking spa and a two-hour massage. But that is wishful thinking. 

Craaaaabs!

Seafooood lunch from Yamaguchi Fish Market.

Too lazy to cook for dinner. So we ordered from DoubleTree. Its signature cookie is the star.

Before we called it a night, we watched Arthdal Chronicles with Mykori's ice-shaved chocolate-flavored dessert. 

Mykori is addicting. Reminds us of bingsu.

Before I close this post, I just want to add that the cliche "happy wife, happy life" does not apply to us. When you enter a life with your spouse, it means two different people being united by commitment and effort to make each other happy. It's not just the husband's or the wife's role to find ways towards happiness. In my point of view, I think that as a wife, I must be intentional in making my husband happy. I'm very sure he has this perspective, too. Otherwise, our marriage won't last two decades. It will be very unfair, and very selfish to think that only one party has to think of the other's happiness. It is the duty of both the man and the woman.  

Having said that, it is more of "happy couple, for a joy that's double" for us. It works. Twenty years and counting.

     

Health, Fitness, and Me

As my online fitness coach, Joshua Kozak (of Hasfit.com), always says, "A winner was once a beginner."

Before you get the JLo or Henry Cavill body, it will take a lot of effort and self-discipline. I'm sure this is not the first time you heard of this. But whatever your fitness goals are: whether it's to attain a svelte or muscular figure or to be physically active and healthy, it is important to have an effective workout regimen. Not only that, there has to be a diet that works for you, too. One that is compatible with your existing medical condition, if you have any. I'm no nutritionist or dietitian. That is one of my aspirations, though. I'd like to take on a nutrition and fitness course. But that is another story.

I began being weight- and health-conscious since I was in sixth grade. Other kids would tease me for my chubbiness. So when I turned 12, I decided to lessen my rice intake. (I think this was the reason why I am the shortest among us, siblings. My youngest bro is almost 6', and the other bro is about 5' 7". My sis stands at 5' 4".)  In less than a month, I lost a lot of weight! I was happy with the result, so I kept on going with the less-rice plan. I loved bread, and our house would always have different kinds of bread from the neighborhood bakers. So every time I'd snack on bread, I would rest for 30 minutes and do my abs workout for the next 30 minutes. Grabe, right? 

To cut a long story short, I continued my less-rice plan. Until eventually, I stopped eating rice for as far as I can remember. I still do not include rice in my staple food. I substitute it with couscous in small portions or Job's tears (adlai). I know. These are not conventional, especially the latter grain variety. But I believe I should invest in my food. Lately, I use oatmeal as my "rice" and eat it with whatever viand there is. It's mostly fish (salmon and milkfish usually). I only eat chicken twice a week and in small portions. The bulk of my meal would compose of vegetables. I eat fruits and nuts as snacks.

Don't get me wrong. I also eat what I crave during the week, but I reserve it on weekends. I have a "cheat" meal and dessert. This is good for your mental health. :-D

Here are some modifications and practices I observe when it comes to my health:

1. Extra virgin olive oil only and use sparingly. I use the air fryer most of the time. No to hydrogenated oils, palm oils, and other forms of oils other than extra-virgin olive oil.

2. Workout at least 30 minutes four to five times a week. I'm currently into HIIT (high-intensity interval training). But I also run sometimes, dance the Zumba, or do some cardio and abs workouts.

3. Go to bed at 10 pm. Ok, fine, at 10:30 pm after watching our favorite K-drama. I try not to use my phone when in bed already.

4. No to sodas and juices that are sweetened. It's a good thing that even as a child, I never liked the taste of sodas. They give my tummy a different feeling, the same way with coffee. 

5. Read the label. Check the salt and sugar content. It's a red flag for me if I see that the salt exceeds the 100 mg per serving limit. As for the sugar, I only take maltitol, erythritol, lakanto, molasses, and coconut sugar. Also, no to aspartame and other kinds of harmful sweeteners. Sugar and salt are important, but these two should be consumed sparingly.

6. Sourdough bread instead of ordinary white bread. Sometimes I eat wheat bread. But with my son's IBS, I now go for bread that is low-gluten or gluten-free. 

7. I cook and bake often. This way, I know how the food is prepared or what the ingredients are. I tend to be choosy in the restaurant, too.

8. Steam, broil, bake, or pan-roast. Fry rarely.

9. Fast food once in a while. It's not our go-to meal.

10. I drink only unsweetened plant-based milk (almond, oat, soy, cashew, etc.). This way, we can avoid carrageenan, BHT, high salt, sugar, lactose, and other ingredients in milk that are not good.

11. To cap the night, I drink hibiscus or lemon-ginger tea. Drink them when you feel that you just had a fatty, oily, salty, or sweet meal. These are good for the immune system, too.

12. Load your plates with different kinds of veggies. Make sure they are good and won't affect any digestive issues. 

13. Hydrate! We keep drinking lots of water at home. I put slices of cucumber or lemon in the pitcher.

14. Since COVID-19 is still around, we take vitamins C and D, Zinc, and for my son, probiotics. I eat kimchi regularly to get my probiotics.

15. I totally removed beef from my diet when I turned 40. Although I eat beef tendons for collagen when I have pho. Pork has been non-existent in my diet since college. But on random days, I eat the pork rind I make (that's like once to twice a year). 

16. The key is always to eat and have whole foods. No to canned goods or those high in preservatives. If we eat it, it's very rarely we do. 

17. The only "junk food" in the house are those snacks that are unsalted or low salt, free from hydrogenated oils, unsweetened or low sugar. I go for 70% dark chocolates as long as it's dairy- and sugar-free. I snack up on nuts, fruits, and seeds.

18. I drink 250 ml. of wheatgrass first thing in the morning before any food or beverage intake. It's a superfood with many great health benefits.

I know, I know! This may look hard to do. But trust me, it was only in the beginning. I must admit, it was not that hard for me. Many of these practices were started since I was young. So there was no withdrawal syndrome. The beef part was hard at first because I used to eat that a lot. My dad cooked a variety of beef dishes because he loved them, too.  

My dedication to being good to my body began way back. But to be better at it began when I was diagnosed with hypertension at 38. People who know me were shocked because they know I am a healthy eater and physically active. My cardiologist said that it's due to genetics. Both of my parents have heart and blood pressure issues.

I also remember the Biblical point of taking care of our bodies. I am a vehicle to do God's work while I am alive. This is also what He gave to perform the calling and the job that He has given us. 

I tried a vegan diet also. I do that from time to time. But what I find sustainable in the long run is the Mediterranean diet. I am making it a lifestyle. It's easier to follow, and most of the food in it is readily available. 

Anyway, whatever floats your boat! What's important is the effort you put in to make a healthy version of yourself. Sometimes I fall off the wagon. There are days when I want to just be on the couch, watch Netflix, and eat whatever I want. But that does not mean I should stop. I stand back up again and push with a healthy lifestyle. 

I am two kilograms away from my ideal weight. The good thing is, it's been like that for a long time and does not go up. It is hard to shed it off. But I'm not giving up.

Arm yourself with information, consult the experts, and be friendly to your body. It's the only one you have. There is no better time to be strong than now.

(What do you think of my experience? Share your diet thoughts and comments below, please.)

   
 

Friends: The Reunion in the Eyes of a Devotee

Where is Gunther? 

"My eyes! My eyes!"

Borrowing Phoebe Buffay's famous line, my eyes had both tears of laughter and of sadness as I watched Friends: The Reunion. It was a long-time longing. As Friends "devotees," as we call ourselves, my husband and I set aside what we were doing that day to catch the premiere streaming of the show. When the pandemic kicked in last year, we had a Friends marathon at home to divert our attention from the health crisis. (That and K-dramas.)

Watching the reunion, I felt as if the past started coming back. I recalled the time when I would hurry home from work in Makati to catch the show. It was a terrible feeling if traffic was bad because it would mean I would miss an episode. We did not have cable TV, so I was relying on its free-TV airing on TV5. Eventually, I collected all 10 DVDs that I left in the Philippines. Sadly.

I appreciated the fact that the cast never got tired of their friendship. Recalling their beginnings and how they quickly rose to fame after a season, it is truly the magic of their authentic bond that made the show legendary. I could relate to what they were going through at that time. I am a Generation-X young pro when Friends' influence was at an all-time high. The real adulting was happening back then. I could identify with Monica, being obsessed with order, tidiness, and competitiveness. But I also felt what Rachel had to deal with when it comes to being independent, cutting the umbilical cord from her parents. I love Phoebe's humor and her inclination to music (guitar, like me!). I used to imagine myself and my posse living under one roof. It happened, but not for a long time. It was fun. Like what the show said, there will come a time when you truly have to be separated. Instead, we satisfied ourselves by spending many Saturdays and Sundays together, cooking together, watching together, playing games together, sleeping over, all in one home. 

The acting credits belong to the gang. They gave justice to the roles and put them to life. But the whole idea, the lines, the concept, and the casting, were perfectly executed by the brainy writers. I saw some table-reading and brainstorming sessions from one of the many Friends videos online. I am impressed at how they made things excellently from start to finish. Marta Kauffman, David Crane, and Kevin Bright were brilliant (and that word falls short of the best description).

During the reunion, I am deeply touched by the man-on-the-street interviews they did. These are common people who have been impacted by the show. One of them talked about being in a deep depression with suicidal tendencies but was comforted by Friends. Yes, the actors and the writers do not know us on a personal level. But the power of the medium they used to effectively touch the lives of the audience is noteworthy. 

If there was one thing I would like to see in the reunion, it would be to have more extrapolations. They talked about it at some point, predicting what they are now after 17 years. But it would be great to see them acting it out or doing table readings with new funny three-minute dialogues. This is to see them throwing witty lines at each other while proving that the charisma has not vanished all throughout the years. Also, the spin-off, Joey, was not mentioned. I was hoping that somehow, Matt Le Blanc would say something about it even as a joke.

I was expecting other big-named guests such as Bruce Willis, Jon Favreau, Ben Stiller, Winona Ryder, Elle Macpherson, and of course, Brad Pitt. When I saw Justin Bieber's, and Cara Delevingne's names, I wondered about their connection to the show. Then after seeing many reviews online, I learned that Justin Bieber is a big fan. I do not know about Cara Delevingne. Nevertheless, the line-up was OK. The BTS part was a bit disappointing with their very minute appearance. The director forewarned us in a Tweet, though.

I was also hoping that they did not cut James Michael Tyler's, aka Gunther, part in the special where he appeared only via Zoom. He almost did not have lines early on in the show's 10-year run and was only given some lines during the later years. In the reunion, it was like history repeating itself.  

All in all, it is still best to have a reunion, albeit short. The fanatic in me would never be satisfied and wanted to see more of the group. But it is still OK. 

So here I am channeling my inner Phoebe. I was inspired to study Smelly Cat's chords and made this video for this reunion season. This version is dedicated to all the street cats roaming around my former village. Never had one because it is smelly (my inner Monica speaking here). Hahaha! 

Cheers to the Friends: The Reunion special! It has awakened the sleeping giant of a fan in many of us.

I am an Empathetic Vampire

What's your personality type?

Mine came out like this in the artwork (credit to the owner) sent to me by a friend.

I guess you can say that I am an "empathetic vampire" as stated in the graphic above. I have a tendency to also feel what the other person is feeling, and I tend to dwell on it for quite some time. I think about what I would do if I were in that person's shoes. I don't know when I developed that. I cannot help it sometimes. 

What surprised me is my being 55% introverted. Haha! It started when I became a middle-aged woman. I just noticed that. I enjoy being with myself or with a few people I am comfortable being around.

Read the rest from the website.

Advocate PersonalityRole: DiplomatINFJ-T(Intuitive Feeling - Turbulent)

Advocates are the rarest personality types of all. Still, Advocates leave their mark on the world. They have a deep sense of idealism and integrity, but they aren’t idle dreamers – they take concrete steps to realize their goals and make a lasting impact.

Advocates’ unique combination of personality traits makes them complex and quite versatile. For example, Advocates can speak with great passion and conviction, especially when standing up for their ideals. At other times, however, they may choose to be soft-spoken and understated, preferring to keep the peace rather than challenge others.

It's true. Rather than make a big deal out of some things, I choose which ones to be passionate about. And when I have chosen, I pour my energy into it.

Standing Up for What’s Right

Advocates generally strive to do what’s right – and they want to help create a world where others do the right thing as well. People with this personality type may feel called to use their strengths – including creativity, imagination, and sensitivity – to uplift others and spread compassion. Concepts like egalitarianism and karma can mean a great deal to Advocates.

But "karma" is a word I don't use. I tend to operate by the "Love your neighbor as yourself" as stated in the Bible.

Connecting with Others (and Themselves)

Advocates may be reserved, but they communicate in a way that is warm and sensitive. This emotional honesty and insight can make a powerful impression on the people around them.

Advocates value deep, authentic relationships with others, and they tend to take great care with other people’s feelings. That said, these personalities also need to prioritize reconnecting with themselves. Advocates need to take some time alone now and then to decompress, recharge, and process their thoughts and feelings.

Honesty and transparency are what I always look for in a deep relationship. I had trust issues growing up so I'm trying to impress the importance of loyalty and sincerity in every relationship I am in. But that does not mean we're flawless. It's a matter of finding the balance and striving for a true relationship rather than one that is built on secrecy and inconsistency.

Advocate (INFJ) Strengths

• Creative – Advocate personalities enjoy finding the perfect solution for the people they care about. To do this, they draw on their vivid imagination and their strong sense of compassion. This can make them excellent counselors and advisors.
• Insightful – Advocates typically strive to move past appearances and get to the heart of things. This can give them an almost uncanny ability to understand people’s true motivations, feelings, and needs.
• Principled – People with the Advocate personality type tend to have deeply held beliefs, and their conviction often shines through when they speak or write about subjects that matter to them. Advocates can be compelling and inspiring communicators, with their idealism persuading even the hardest of skeptics.
• Passionate – Advocates can pursue their ideals with a single-mindedness that may catch others off guard. These personalities rarely settle for “good enough,” and their willingness to disrupt the status quo may not please everyone. That said, Advocates’ passion for their chosen cause is a key aspect of their personality.
• Altruistic – Advocates generally aim to use their strengths for the greater good – they rarely enjoy succeeding at other people’s expense. They tend to think about how their actions affect others, and their goal is to behave in a way that will help the people around them and make the world a better place.

What applies best to me are the characteristics of altruism, being passionate, and being principled. Creative and insightful, maybe, but not too often. Haha! It depends on a lot of things.

Advocate (INFJ) Weaknesses

• Sensitive to Criticism – When someone challenges their principles or values, Advocates may react strongly. People with this personality type can become defensive in the face of criticism and conflict, particularly when it comes to issues that are near to their hearts.
• Reluctant to Open Up – Advocates value honesty, but they’re also private. They may find it difficult to open up and be vulnerable about their struggles. This might also be because they think they need to solve their problems on their own or don’t want to burden other people with their issues. When Advocates don’t ask for help, they may inadvertently hold themselves back or create distance in their relationships.
• Perfectionistic – The Advocate personality type is all but defined by idealism. While this is a wonderful quality in many ways, an ideal situation is not always possible. Advocates might find it difficult to appreciate their jobs, living situations, or relationships if they’re continually fixating on imperfections and wondering whether they should be looking for something better.
• Avoiding the Ordinary – Advocate personalities tend to be motivated by a sense of having a greater purpose in life. They might consider it tedious or unnecessary to break their big visions into small, manageable steps. But they may be setting themselves up for frustration if they don’t turn their dreams into everyday routines and to-do lists. Without these specifics, their goals may never materialize.
• Prone to Burnout – Advocates’ perfectionism and reserve may leave them with few options for letting off steam. People with this personality type can exhaust themselves if they don’t find a way to balance their drive to help others with necessary self-care and rest.

All these are true. That is why I always have a "me-time" to balance the stress. Besides, I believe in the importance of taking a break regularly. 

Also, it's true I have a To-Do list each day. I couldn't function properly without a planner/scheduler. 

Maybe it's also because of my idealism that I don't stay long in the monotony of things. I easily get bored so I find ways to get creative and apply a few changes occasionally to break the routine.

I couldn't agree more that in trying to solve my own problems, I do not like to burden other people. I rarely seek help. If and when I do, it will be the last thing. I go to God first for enlightenment and resort to His word while hoping and praying that the situation will change. 

I don't find myself being sensitive to criticisms because my normal tendency is to shrug them off especially if untrue. I might be affected, but I try my best not to be burdened by it so much most especially if it comes from people I don't have close connections with. If it's my boss or someone near to me, I do introspection and try to change for the better. I'm only defensive if I have a strong reason for something. I usually rest my case if I don't have the strongest of reasons to avoid further conflict and stress.

Is This for Real?

Advocates care about integrity, and they tend to bristle when people try to change them or talk them into something that they don’t believe. As a result, Advocate personalities gravitate toward partners who appreciate them as they are. And there’s a great deal to appreciate about Advocates: they’re warm, caring, honest, and insightful, with an ability to see the truth that lies beneath surface appearances.

People with this personality type create a depth to their relationships that can hardly be described in conventional terms. Because of their sensitivity and insight, Advocates can make their partners feel heard and understood in beautiful ways. Advocates aren’t afraid to express their love, and they feel it unconditionally.

One of the things Advocates find most important is establishing genuine, deep connections with the people they care about.

Advocates tend to recognize that love isn’t a passive emotion but rather an opportunity to grow and learn, and they expect their partners to share this mindset. As a result, relationships with Advocates are not for the uncommitted or the shallow.

When it comes to intimacy, Advocates can be incredibly passionate in ways that go beyond the physical. People with this personality type crave an emotional and even spiritual connection with their partner. They cherish not just the act of being in a relationship but also what it means to become one with another person in mind, body, and soul.

Hahaha! "...relationships with Advocates are not for the uncommitted or the shallow." It does not mean I am demanding. I just feel one should be committed as I am. Otherwise, we can forget about it. 

I guess I am expressive, one thing I did not learn from my family as a kid. I guess my family's love language is just different. I learned the basics of expressing affection during my teenage years, a few years before I became a Christian. I saw how others in my circle of friendships were expressing themselves in terms of caring for one another. I thought that it is a good thing to do with friends and family also. I saw the good effects it had on them. Even when there was a fear of rejection. 

Advocates (INFJs) have a deep desire for authenticity and sincerity in everything they do – from their daily activities to their relationships. As a result, people with this personality type rarely settle for friendships of convenience. Rather than rely on superficial interactions with the people they see every day at work or school, they generally prefer to have a close circle of confidants.

Advocates tend to light up around friends who share their passions, interests, and beliefs. Few things give these personalities more pleasure than connecting with others over discussions about meaningful ideas and philosophies. Once Advocates know they can trust someone completely, they find it incredibly fulfilling to share their innermost thoughts, ideas, and feelings with them.

Searching for a Heart of Gold

Advocates may feel that it’s difficult to meet the sort of friends they’re searching for. Because Advocates are a rare personality type, they may meet relatively few people who really remind them of themselves. As a result, they may feel as if they need to settle for less-than-fulfilling friendships or else accept being alone.

Fortunately, Advocates are more than capable of finding the types of friends they long to meet – they might just have to use their intuition to do so. In their quiet, understated way, Advocate personality types have a knack for seeing beyond appearances and understanding people’s deeper natures. They can use this ability to move past first impressions and figure out whether someone’s interests, values, and attitudes might be compatible with their own. By doing this, Advocates can befriend people who might seem totally different from them but who are compatible on a deeper level.

Loyalty and Authenticity

Advocates have a quiet determination that can be quite charismatic, and their ability to express themselves clearly and passionately can make them truly shine. At times, these traits may lead to unwanted attention and popularity for Advocates, who tend to be private.

Advocates may sometimes find themselves surrounded by people who want to impress them. Paradoxically, this can make it more difficult for people with this personality type to find friends with whom they feel a connection. After all, the only way to be counted among Advocates’ true friends is to be authentic, honest, and real.

Once they do find genuine friends, people with the Advocate personality type make loyal and caring companions. With their trademark warmth and enthusiasm, they support their friends’ efforts to grow and expand their lives. In general, Advocate personalities don’t require a great deal of day-to-day attention from their friends. For them, quality trumps quantity – and that includes the time they spend with their nearest and dearest.

As trust grows, Advocates tend to share more of their inner lives with their friends. If these revelations are met with acceptance and support, this can herald the sort of friendship that transcends time and distance, lasting a lifetime.

Over the years, Advocates may end up with just a few true friendships rather than a wide circle of casual acquaintances. But as long as those friendships are built on a richness of mutual understanding, Advocates wouldn’t have it any other way.

All are true!!! Speaks truly of my aspirations on friendship. In fact, I can say that the closest friends I have now date back to when were in high school. That is about three decades of friendships, spanning different time zones. We still talk regularly and do weekly Bible studies.

I still have close college friends. One of whom is the person who sent me this personality test, my business partner Vanessa. She always gives me opportunities and taps me to work with her on different projects. 

Advocates (INFJs) tend to seek a career path that aligns with their values rather than one that offers status and material gain. Fortunately, people with this personality type are able to find work that suits them in just about any field.

In fact, many Advocates have trouble deciding which job is best for them because they’re able to imagine so many possibilities. These personalities may see 10 wildly different paths forward, each with its own set of rewards. This can be exciting but also stress-inducing, because picking just one means letting go of so many others.

Truth, Beauty, Purpose

Advocates want to find meaning in their work and to know that they are helping and connecting with people. This desire to help and connect can make roles as counselors, psychologists, teachers, social workers, yoga instructors, and spiritual leaders very rewarding for Advocates. Careers in health care – especially the more holistic varieties – can also be attractive options for this personality type.

Many Advocates are also strong communicators. This explains why they are often drawn to careers in writing, authoring many popular books, blogs, stories, and screenplays. Music, photography, design, and art can all be viable options as well, allowing Advocates to focus on deeper themes of personal growth and purpose.

That said, Advocates can excel in a range of fields. Wherever they work, people with this personality type can find ways to help others. They can also find ways to use their creativity in nearly any position. No matter what it says on their business cards, Advocates’ insight can enable them to spot unusual patterns and come up with out-of-the-box solutions, creating real change in others’ lives.

For Advocates, money and Employee of the Month simply won’t cut it. These personalities want a career that fits their values and principles.

Totally agree! There was even a time when I felt that awards were superficial. It also depends on who you know and not what you know. Haha! But I respect colleagues and friends who truly deserve the accolades accorded to them. In fact, I nominated a dear friend for a prestigious award for a Filipino citizen. I'm also thankful for all the credits awarded to me. But along the way, they have minimized their value in my eyes for some weird reason.

And do I need to say more about the kind of work I am magnetized to do? This blog and my book prove it. I must admit that during my younger years, I was career-driven, wherein I measured success in terms of how much I have gained. Then I turned 40. It was like a self-fulfilling prophecy when I said in my 30s that by that time, I would have retired and pursuing things I truly love to do and have. Thank God for a fully supportive husband. The succeeding portion would reveal that. 

Two Roads Diverged in a Yellow Wood

People with the Advocate personality type may feel fulfilled by seeking out leadership positions or by starting their own business. By finding jobs that offer more autonomy, Advocates can focus on applying their creativity and integrity to everything they do. Advocates may also find it gratifying to create bridges between seemingly disparate professional fields – for example, by writing about psychology or by being an environmental lawyer. These hybrid careers can offer plenty of opportunities for Advocates to exercise their creativity and their love of learning.

A Sense of Mission

In truth, Advocate personalities can do well in any field. To be truly happy, however, they need to find work that aligns with their values and allows them some independence. Advocates crave opportunities to learn and grow alongside the people they are helping. When this happens, Advocates may finally feel as if they are fulfilling their life’s mission, contributing to the well-being of humanity on a personal level.

Advocate Subordinates

Advocates value cooperation, sensitivity, and independence. As employees, they tend to gravitate toward managers who are open-minded and willing to consider their input. Advocate personalities may become frustrated when they feel unheard, so having a manager who listens to them can make all the difference.

Ideally, Advocates will also find a manager whose values align with their own and who offers them encouragement and praise. Because Advocates tend to act on their convictions and aim to do their best, their morale can be vulnerable to criticism, particularly if it’s unwarranted. Other morale killers for these personalities may include strict rules, formal structures, and routine tasks.

I've been in this situation and one of the last managers that I worked with fortunately clicked with my personality. He allowed me to be myself, as a subordinate, expressing my thoughts freely. I appreciated that he stood by me and the team in many of the hardest times. He may not be perfect, but he showed that there is a free exchange of opinions and creativity. I remembered how he called me to his office in a very private meeting just to say that he was standing by me with regard to a project I refused to do because it went against my convictions. He gave me a solution in handling that issue. I thought that time I was going to be fired! Hahaha!

Advocate Colleagues

As colleagues, Advocates can be quite popular and well-respected. People with this personality type are likely to be seen as positive, eloquent, and capable coworkers. Among their greatest strengths is their ability to identify others’ motives and defuse conflicts and tension before anyone else even senses a disturbance.

At times, efficiency may be less of a priority for Advocates than collaborating with and helping colleagues who need a boost. While this is usually a strength, there is a risk that others will take advantage of their desire to help. Advocates may find themselves picking up the slack for their less dedicated coworkers at the expense of their own energy and well-being.

Although they tend to be warm and approachable colleagues, Advocates are still Introverts. From time to time, they may need to step back and work alone, pursuing their own goals in their own ways.

Advocate Managers

As managers, Advocates may dislike wielding their power. These personalities prefer to see those who work under them as equals. Rather than micromanage their subordinates, Advocates often prefer to empower them to think and act independently. They work hard to encourage others, not to crack the whip.

That’s not to say that Advocates have low standards – far from it. Their sense of equality means that they expect their subordinates to live up to the standards that they set for themselves. Advocate personalities want their employees to be rigorous, motivated, reliable, and unfailingly honest, and they will notice if their employees miss the mark.

Compassionate and fair, Advocate managers often take pride in identifying their subordinates’ unique strengths. They make an effort to understand their employees’ motivations – an effort that is helped by Advocates’ Intuitive insights.

That said, people with this personality type can be quite stern if they catch someone behaving in a way that they consider unethical. Advocates have little tolerance for lapses in reliability or morality. When their employees’ good intentions match their own, however, Advocates will work tirelessly to ensure that their entire team feels valued and fulfilled.

06

This last paragraph! It reminds me of the reason why I had to fire someone, a former best friend! But that is another story I'd rather not disclose because it breaks my heart even up to now. 

All the rest about being a manager and colleague are accurate. I'm just not comfortable with the "popular" part. Haha! 

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All in all, it's good to take a test like this to remind you of who you are because sometimes you forget the bits and pieces. I know who I am in the eyes of God, though. 

More about my findings here: https://www.16personalities.com/infj-conclusion

Take your own test here, and be wowed by how it is so accurate!

Love and Wounds: Notes from "I am Not a Robot"

"The stronger the love, the deeper the wound."

How a romantic-comedy Korean drama reminded me of the truth behind these words uttered by the best friend of the show's main character. I wasn't keen on watching I am Not a Robot because the trailer looked like a sci-fi comedy. But after watching half of the first episode, I'm hooked!

Going back to the quote, I think that caring deeply and hurting deeply go together. The more one is highly involved with one person's life, and if something goes wrong, the pain of falling out is usually unbearable at first. 

I can remember some instances in the distant past when this happened. The betrayal, the non-closure, the cutting-off, and those questions in your head about why it happened. Human relationships are bound by such experience. The more you live, the more you love, the more you become vulnerable, and the deeper the pain (if things didn't work out).

I also recall a best friend in the not-so-distant past. It was a case of doing what was right despite the heartbreak that accompanied my decision. I knew I was going to lose him as a best friend. My family was going to lose him, too. But the right thing to do outweighs all that was going to be gone. I regretted it. To be honest. I loved having him and his family around. Our families loved each other like an extended family. We were tighter than our real extended families. But I guess, the inevitable must happen. I had sleepless nights, those times asking God if I was doing the right thing. But there I did it! We lost each other. I hurt him so much that he wouldn't accept my apologies. 

That quote brings me back to those days when I would have trust issues. My parents would not tell me the truth because they were trying to hide some things so that I would try what they want me to do. For example, when I asked if a certain dish contained pork (because I don't eat pork), my dad or mom would say it had no pork even if there was. I know it was a simple thing. But there were more serious instances when they would not tell me the truth because they thought I would get upset. Or they thought I would get angry at my brother. But of course, later on, the truth would reveal itself. That was when I knew I was a gullible person. I was trusting too much. I learned how to become skeptical later on because of those past trust issues. I choose whom to trust. I'm still unsure most of the time, but I would always take a risk. I often expose myself to the vulnerabilities of human relationships. I don't know why. It's how I was wired, maybe.

Anyway, that best friend who would not accept my apologies remains estranged from us.

That lesson from I am Not a Robot reminded me of our humanness. Love and wounds co-exist on a plane that sets a blurry line between love and hate, between trust and mistrust. 

You know you have this melange of emotions. Perhaps, I can say I am not a robot.

What "Glory Days?"

Moving forward, forgetting the past. This message clearly spoke to me one Sunday as it became the main point of our pastor's preaching. 

Bound for the rainbow's end.

Our God is a blesser of material things. But since we moved to Malaysia and since I left my former job, God has been imparting to me His spiritual blessings more. I used to work for the U.S. Government for almost nine years. Never had I imagined living in Malaysia. I had the opportunity to start a new life in the U.S. But we’re here. Now I know why. It’s because He’s telling me to forget the so-called “glory days.” He wants me to do more work FOR HIM this time. He prospered me before, now it’s time to bring Him back the glory. What pastor said that nobody is indispensable and that you are as good as your last project, that is so on point.

 
The concept of an eternal perspective is becoming clearer to me as we live here. Since the pandemic, I never thought I’d be able to lead two life groups or share the Gospel with many people. The Holy Spirit has been generous in empowering me, in removing the fear of rejection. I’m moved to see them accept Jesus as their Savior. I also discipled two desperate people. One of them was on the verge to kill herself but then she received my simple “How are you?” message. She said my timing was Godsent. I was like: “Really?” while scratching my clueless head. I saw God’s hands moving in their lives as I led them to Christ, with His solutions to their seemingly insurmountable problems. That built my faith, too. That friend who was about to commit suicide has found a job and she’s been thankful to God. The other person is back with her family after surviving as a cash-strapped worker here. Big God, indeed! 

You see, I appreciate all the great material opportunities: finishing a book, a small coffee business, and a scholarship offer by a government university in Sydney, among the many. My heart is humbled and overwhelmed. But the weight of the spiritual blessings seems to matter more to me now, to my surprise. I guess I’m being changed. I’m looking forward to the greater prize that awaits as I forget the past earthly glories without regrets. 

Glory to our Lord!

(I read this as part of our church's Worship and Prayer Night in April. I was asked to share if I have a testimony about how amazing our God is.)