Con te Partiro: A Farewell for Marian

 

It's been a week since Mar left us. I just lost 22+ years of sisterhood with her. I couldn't write a concise tribute until now when everything is sinking in and after reading back our chats. They were a mix of funny and melodramatic topics: about our kids, food, health, prayer, and even chismis (gossip haha!). Videocalls were an even crazier mix.

So far, I have only delivered three eulogies. I'm not so fond of eulogies because I've always believed that all the good stuff you say should be articulated while they're alive. This year, I have had people in my circle leave too soon. I hope the Lord will not add more.

I would like to fondly remember Marian as her sister-in-law from her only brother. Because of her, I met my Eziel. Marian and I became friends first through our church's youth camp. Those were happy youthful days. We watched concerts, and movie premieres, and went on road trips. Those were the highlights of our younger years together. 

Mar was generous, always paying for our adventures. During those years, she had stints at Repertory Philippines. It was fun witnessing her God-given excellence in her craft while acting onstage. 

To many of you, she was a great friend, performer, church worker, music teacher, and many other wonderful things. 

But to me, she was just Marian, a perfectly flawed family member, like all of us with wrong decisions and mistakes. Again, like all of us. I like that she still confided in me even if I made her face some hurtful truths about life issues. 

Eziel and I encouraged her to be healthy and fit. There was even a time when Mar and I went to the gym. But I guess she tried to avoid me the following day when I invited her again! 

I appreciate that she did not cut me off even if I always gave her my version of the Sermon on the Mount. We were very concerned about her, so we spoke the truth, maybe sometimes bluntly. But there was love behind it. 

Many people may not know what she was going through. Because Mar was goofy, her natural reflex was to cover whatever pain she was in.   

More than anything, apart from honoring Marian publicly for the last time, I would like to say that her life, although teeming with unfavorable situations, was a true manifestation of how God's grace worked. God rescued her from death, and showered her with blessings --- the greatest of which is Cadi. A person who was weak and limited in many aspects, tainted in various ways, God used for His glory. 

So if you're experiencing the harshness of life, remember how God delivered Marian from her many predicaments. More than her voice and talent, let's look at her life and God's overflowing grace over her. May we be inspired by God moving in the lives of people like Mar. 

Let's admire Marian. But let's look at Jesus even more, the One who deserves all the praises in her life.       

First Year as Residents in The Netherlands

Nope. That's not our new house in the background. *wishing* hahaha

Three Dutch companies. One house. One apartment soon. A few Dutch cities. One more EU country.

That's our Netherlands life in a year so far. I could add: lots of servings of appeltaarts, poffertjes, pannenkoeken, frikandels, friets, kibbelings, etc. 

Several buses, trains, and plane rides.

A handful of good people from the church and our workplaces. Not to forget our four friends' sleepovers and one game day with pals. 

And behind all these, One loving and constant God. That's always the best part. We always pray that wherever life takes us, as long as He is there, we are OK. I know about His omnipresence. But to genuinely know it is to experience it.

As we move on to our second year, more await us. This involves transitions, breakthroughs, and crossroads.

Life may not be rosy (or to be Dutch, "tulips-y" hahaha) forever. Whether we are in The Philippines, Malaysia, or The Netherlands, we still get to realize this. As long as faith and love exist, we will be OK. God always sees us through.

I must confess I do not know if we will still live here a few years from now. But I am sure that we always bloom where God plants us. That is always my hope.

So, wait for our next adventure. More will be added to our personal statistics.

Six Life Lessons from Death

 

Death by chocolate? Chocolate skull from a chocolate museum in Antwerp.

Whenever we face mortality, that of ours or of those we know or close to us, we reflect on the opposite of it: LIFE.

As I gleaned on the lives that transitioned to the next, starting from my dad's passing in 2017, death has taught me these (or reminded me of what I knew but kept forgetting):

1. God is the end-all and be-all, the Sovereign One who holds time. It is not in our hands. Therefore, who should we trust? Our fragile minds and bodies or the One who created them?

2. The living deserves respect as much as the dead. We keep saying, "Respect the dead." But shouldn't we be more respectful of those around us who are still interactive and can respond? If we can't be kind, at least we can apologize to the living ones we offended. We must prefer that we pay respects and kindness all the time. Not at the last minute.

3. This world is not our home. So why do we chase temporary satisfaction? We have another permanent residence waiting when we are done with our purpose.

4. Simplify your life. Overanalyzing shortens our already short time on earth. Instead of thinking it over and over and complicating the overly complex wiring of our brains, the best decision stems from answering the basics: Who do you live for? Why do you do or want to do it? Will you have peace? Will your decision disobey God?

5. Say your "I love you", "sorry", and "thank you" when appropriate. Tomorrow is not guaranteed for you or your recipient.

6. Love the ones you're with. God planted them there for a reason. Just like He put you in their lives.

Just a few days ago, I was shocked after receiving the news that a former colleague and once close friend passed away. We used to do major projects together and enjoyed staging those big and small outreaches countrywide. People in the office knew that we were each other's sidekicks. We became estranged when I retired but managed to reconnect when the pandemic hit. It's one thing I'm happy we did. We chatted once in a while after that. When I revisited the Philippines last year, I was supposed to visit her before her surgery. We were chatting hours before her surgery and when she woke up after. The hospital's policies didn't allow more than one companion. The time came when I had to leave the Philippines again. Little did I know it would be our last major chat.

She was young. Full of life. But her time came. 

I hope that each of us, young or old, will not only focus on life. Death has its voice that we should hear to wake us up to a reality that we always forget will come to us sooner or later.

  

         

Fallout Girl: It's Not You, Its Me

 

Looking to (do) the right (thing).

I call myself the "fallout girl" for a reason. I noticed that I am good at making friends despite being an ambivert. The only problem is that many of the friendships I form tend to fall away after a certain period, a few years, or even decades. That is for many various reasons, mostly shallow. 

Most often, I consider myself a misunderstood human being. Whenever I think of this, I wallow in my solitude and, sometimes, weeping silently. Yeah, overdramatic, I know! But it happens occasionally during bouts of hormonal imbalance (or during that time of the month)! 😁😁 

I try fighting off that feeling and thought by praying, asking God, and engaging in humorous conversations with my husband and son. If they're not around, I read or watch something funny. These habits affect me positively because I can cultivate my wit and sense of conversational humor. Then again, it's to enhance my people skills.

Returning to the concept of falling out, I got the urge to write about it after discovering (again) that a couple of FB (former) friends had unfriended me. The consolation is at least they did not block me. In this situation, I don't know why. As far as I know, I did not do anything offensive. We used to be close at work and had many collaborations. But yes, we have grown silent toward each other after leaving my former office. I assume (yes, typical of me) that some rumors may have fueled this cold treatment, that I do not meet their friendship standards. It's a long story stemming from my recommendation to fire an unruly subordinate. That subordinate was a close friend of one of these people who unfriended me. It's a sad narrative, the best and only reason I know.

I can go on telling stories about friends who used to be close to me but have veered away. I can also tell things about interesting new people and friends who remain in close contact despite the distance and time difference, and I know they still appreciate me as I am.

But why am I more disappointed in those who are not that close but I had a falling out with? Rejection hurts. Maybe I am still not tough enough to accept that friends change. I should remember that it does not only happen to me. It happens to the best of us, to those who are gold medalists in the people arena. But still, it's disappointing! And I only blame myself for why I am not good at it. Why I am a "fallout girl." 

It's good that I have a strong family foundation and a husband who enlightens me on issues and rebukes me lovingly. If not, I may have fallen into the pit of social sadness. 

Social media has an impact on this. I'm not exactly a Facebook superstar, and many of my posts only go so far. It's not that I want to be popular or deeply affected by the analytics. It's just tiring to see the fakeness of most posts, so to speak. The worst part is I have an opinion about many of what I read. This means I tend to be critical (if you want to say judgmental) and end up sinning. So, this year, I'll start minimizing my online activities on Facebook. The best I could do is post one or a couple of stories. I wanted to deactivate it, but I handle various accounts for work and other purposes. Sadly.

Again, this is the most candid I could be. If you have any comments or advice, I'd appreciate it. 

Starting the year not overthinking, being happier, wittier, healthier, sweeter, and more loving toward others. With God's help, I know I can say, "It's not me. It's Him."